'Switching teams was the best decision I made in my life!' Love Island's Amber Gill says she 'couldn't put herself through being with a man again' Speaking about what the future holds for her, Patsy added: 'I spent a lot of years in film and television and stage plays and I had a wonderful life and I'm really grateful for all of it but you know you're not supposed to out live your children.'Д®DEN CONFIDENTIAL: Former model Marie Helvin says she is so broke she may have to work in a supermarket 'You know I can't watch them anymore, it hurts too much not to see him.' Since his death she has not been able to put on one of Patrick's films and she doesn't think she ever will be able to do so again. Tragically Patrick's on screen legacy is now something Patsy has shut out from her life forever.

She has read them all and now doesn't know what to do with them: 'I don't have heart to throw them away', she says. Next to it is a stack of cards Patsy received from fans and well-wishers after Patrick died. It was a present from Patrick to his mother, on which he wrote: 'To my momma - You're the best mum a person could ever dream of, I love you, your son Patrick Swayze. The centerpiece of all the family pictures hanging in the house is a framed poster of Patrick and his favourite horse Tammen. They had all the nieces and nephews and friends with kids. 'She was the love of his life, they were made for each other.ДЄsked why she thinks they didn't have children, Patsy says: 'You know I think they decided that unless they could spend more time with them, they didn't want a big family. She was not only a lifelong pupil she was a wonderful, wonderful daughter-in-law and she still is. I was just looking at a picture of her and him this morning. You could tell how much they loved each other. ' Since they were kids they yelled at each other if they were mad but they were just real close. Memories: A happy family snap of Patrick and Lisa I taught classical ballet, American jazz, tap, musical theatre, a bit of everything but it didn't matter what kind of music was playing he danced. 'I remember I took him with me when I went to work and I had maid there to help take care of him. Patsy recalls: 'Patrick started dancing at age three and because I was teaching I would always take him with me to the dance studio and he just loved it. The young Swayze - whose breakthrough role in 1987's Dirty Dancing is still the most enduring image of him - first hit the dance floor aged three. Lots of fun to be around and very respectful and well-mannered.' Very, very, very energetic, high maintenance, into everything, played every sport, could sing, play the piano, play the guitar, he was just really outgoing, great personality. Remembering her son's childhood, she says fondly:'He was a great kid. 'He would come here a lot and I would go to his house all the time when he was sick and sit with him and talk to him. Happy: Patsy, now 84, has fond memories of when Patrick met wife Lisa at Patsy's dance studio I just know that he wanted to hold my hand all the time. ' I sat with him when he was sick, at home and then in the hospital. In his final few months Patrick would go to visit Patsy at her house - which he and wife Lisa bought for her twenty years ago - and she would dutifully go and visit him at his $2.5 million equestrian estate in the nearby San Fernando Valley. Patsy's home is filled with pictures of Patrick covering the walls and dusty old photo albums she has tragically found too painful to flick through since he died. He never wanted to be a burden to anyone.' Even when he was so sick he could hardly walk, you wouldn't know it. 'He never wanted sympathy he just kept going.

He was just convinced that he was going to live through it, he never lost hope.

'I would know but he never talked about it. Family: Patsy has revealed never-seen-before family pictures of her famous son's childhood - including this portrait of Patsy and Patrick (right) with father Jesse and Patrick's siblings Donny and Vicky

Patrick swayze memoires